EDITED: This post was written awhile ago, but I decided to post today, in Holy Week.
No, it’s not New Years, or my birthday, or some other great milestone, it’s just today, the only day I have right now, so I’m going to use it.
These thoughts are coming after the wonderful opportunity to go to Mass and Confession. On a Weekday, with Brian and the baby but no wiggly toddler to shush and bribe and try to keep quiet and interested and from yelling ”EMMA” when she recognizes her aunty going up to communion. We always wait too long to get to confession, but I’m not going to let it happen again.
During Mass I begged for the grace of a good confession. I asked the Holy Spirit to help me remember what I needed to confess (yes it was long overdue) but also to recognize WHY I keep coming back to the confessional with the same list, what is the real issue and what can be done about it?! For the first time in a long time I had the kind of confession where you leave with a game plan. I know God’s providing boatloads of grace, but now I have concrete things I know I can do to act on it and use that grace to make lasting changes in my little life that will hopefully keep me growing closer and closer to Him, and becoming the best version of Amy, the one He created me to be.
The best part of the story: when I walked out and we climbed in the car my husband asked if we could come back to confession more often. Ok, I suggested we try to get there once a month. No, he said, could we try to come every two weeks, together, as a date night? um YES honey! Time with Our Lord to receive forgiveness and healing and countless graces to be better parents, better spouses, better people! AND time set apart to be with the one that I love. SIGN ME UP!
But I know it won’t be easy. Confession seems to be only offered at the worst, most inconvenient, we-have-better-things-to-do, times. The line at our parish is LONG and usually a deterrent to going since it makes what could be a 10 minute stop into an all afternoon affair.
The devil will be there for sure making confession seem pointless, scary, tedious and unnecessary.
So if I want this to happen I need to really make it happen. Book an appointment with Father ahead of time, arrange for Clara to stay with gramma and grampa so we can have our date time, make the time with Brian special (coffee together, a super treat!) so we get into and STAY in a habit!
It would be easier to wait til some obscure ‘other’ day to change, to put the ideas down and write it in the calendar. I am sure a lot of other times seem to be more convenient, but if I do, and that other day ever comes I will have forgotten, or think it is not important anymore, or just not do it.
So I am going to try to change right here, and right now, because God’s grace is sufficient and I can; tomorrow I might not have, but I have today.
EDITED TO ADD: Its been 6 weeks now, and yes, we have made it to confession 3 times. Every two weeks our standing confession/date is there and we are happy to take advantage of it. So if you haven’t made it to confession yet, I suggest you do. Even if you have to call and make an appointment! It’s such a great way to prepare for Easter!